All Things Pass
by N.Q. Wilder
Summary: "All things pass, love and mankind are grass."  At least, that's what Shepard told herself. But some things you don't want to pass you by. - - A look at the Shepard/Liara romance. T for some language and a little sexual content.
1. Professionalism

**For anyone familiar with my other work, this is NOT the renegade Shepard who appears in "Confessions" or "Surveillance." This is a different Shepard: colonist/war hero/sentinel (with sniper rifle specialization because I CAN). While these two Shepards may share a few traits (all my Shepards share a few key traits) they have completely different psychological make-ups.**

**Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about what this story IS. This is a series of scenes that are either made up, and placed within the time period of ME1, or re-imagined scenes that play pivotal roles in the romance between Liara and Shepard. There should be about nine chapters when it's done. The first two chapters will introduce the characters and establish a friendship. The third chapter will contain the first character arc and lead into the actual romance. I'll change POV as it becomes necessary, but never to characters beyond Shepard and Liara.**

**As always, thank you to those who are kind enough to review and offer constructive criticism and feedback. I will try my best to answer any questions. I hope you enjoy.**

**UPDATE: In honor of finishing this entire story (see "Never Again") I have decided to read through the entire thing and make any final edits. I will be updating all the chapters of "All Things Pass" with corrections to grammar and a few minor details. Nothing that changes the story, however.**

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**Professionalism**

The Normandy's drive core pulsed a bright white-blue at the back of the engineering deck. Standing back by the doors, afraid of venturing forward and getting in the way of the crew, Liara stared at the gigantic drive core. She had had no idea that humans were capable of such technological feats; perhaps she should have paid them more attention over the past few years. Only a few decades after first contact and they had already adapted to become major players in the galaxy. It seemed that humans were paving the path towards the future, but Liara could not help having more interest in the past. Still, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to pay a little bit more attention to the future.

"Dr. T'Soni?" came a surprised voice from behind her. Liara spun to see Commander Shepard standing in the doorway, head tilted and an inquisitive look upon her face. The marine's jet black hair was slicked back into a tight, professional bun, though she was dressed in her casual blue, military fatigues. Liara couldn't help feeling slightly intimidated when she looked into the commander's cool, almost violet colored eyes.

"Oh, Commander Shepard," she said, "How are you?" Then, because she felt like her presence down on the engineering deck needed some kind of explanation, she added, "I was just taking a tour of your ship. I hope that was alright?" Fear clutched at her chest as she realized that she might have made a mistake by wandering around the ship. She was still new to the vessel and people seemed to see her as only one thing: the daughter of the enemy. The commander had been gracious thus far, but maybe she would think Liara was spying on the ship and taking notes for Benezia. Maybe Shepard would regret giving Liara any freedom and decide that she couldn't be trusted after all.

But Shepard just smiled and answered, "I'm fine." Then pointing to the drive core she said, "Impressive, isn't it? It's my favorite part of this ship. I'm a bit of a tech geek, so I've been discussing how it works with Tali." Shepard came forward as she said this, looking around Liara to where Tali was usually stationed. "Speaking of which, have you seen her? I came down here to talk to her."

Liara shook her head. "No, I did not see her when I came in. I am sorry."

Shepard was standing next to her now, staring at the drive core with a content grin on her face, hands on her hips. Liara, however, found herself staring at the commander, studying her uncharacteristically relaxed features. All other times she had been around the commander, Shepard was the definition of military discipline and formality.

"Three hours," Shepard said suddenly, approval in her voice.

"Excuse me?" Liara said, quickly averting her eyes from Shepard's face so that she wouldn't be caught staring.

"That's how long the Normandy can run silent without having to vent radiation," Shepard explained. "Three hours. Or it can drift for several days without giving away its position. A real technological marvel." She sounded like a proud parent, praising her child for its talents.

"I did not know that," Liara admitted.

"It's called the IES stealth system, or Internal Emission Sink. The heat generated by the engine is stored in lithium heat sinks which..." As Shepard went on excitedly about the workings of the drive core, Liara found herself once again staring at the commander. Shepard's hands moved about enthusiastically as she explained more and more of the technical jargon. It seemed strange to see the commander so casual and animated about something. It was as if the walls of professionalism that constantly surrounded Shepard were gone and Liara could see the woman beneath the rank, beneath the spectre status, and beneath all her military training. And this different woman, so at ease and who treated Liara like an old friend, was... fascinating. Liara found herself wanting to know more about her.

Meanwhile, Shepard, caught up in her explanation, glanced over to see Liara staring blankly at her. The asari didn't seem to be listening to her ramble about the engine at all. Stopping mid-sentence and smiling she said, "If I'm boring you, you can just say so."

The asari jumped slightly at being called out of her reverie, and touched her forehead in an embarrassed sort of way. Shepard didn't know if asari could blush, but she could have sworn that Liara turned a deeper shade of blue as she looked away from her. "Oh, I am sorry," she said quickly. "You were not boring me. Really. I just..." she trailed off nervously.

The idea that one of the asari, the species that lived for a millennium and had vast influence in the galaxy, could become so flustered by something so small brought an amused grin to Shepard's lips. Laughing, she said, "Don't worry. I understand. I can be really boring when I start talking about tech. Sometimes I forget that other people don't find it as interesting as I do. Usually I'm the one lost when Tali is trying to explain the finer details to me. She's much more knowledgeable about this stuff than I am."

"You sound very knowledgeable," Liara offered, trying to pay the commander a compliment.

Shepard ran a hand along her hair, smoothing it back in its bun. "It's nice of you to say so, but really, I'm no engineer."

"Well, I can understand what it is like to get caught up in something you are avid about. I am afraid I do the same thing when it comes to talking about the protheans. Usually, I end up boring people."

Shepard studied the asari's face thoughtfully. Liara seemed so shy and introverted; the commander wondered what she was like when she let her guard down and opened up to someone. Everyone had their barriers, but Liara's seemed easy enough to take down - she just needed a friend.

"I'd like to hear you talk about the protheans sometime," Shepard said.

Liara touched her forehead nervously again while saying, "Oh, no, really, it is probably quite boring. You have better things to do than listen to me ramble."

Shepard just smiled. "I don't know anything about the protheans, except what I've seen in my visions, but I like hearing people talk about the things they find interesting. I love passionate people."

There was momentary silence and Liara again seemed to turn a darker shade of blue and looked away embarrassed. Shepard blinked in confusion a few times, before what she had said dawned on her. She couldn't help but wonder what the word passionate might have translated to in asari. Possibly the translator had failed to note the none sexual meaning. Laughing, she said, "Not quite what I meant, but that kind of passion is good too, I guess." There was a small beeping noise from her omni-tool and she raised her left arm to look at it. "My break is almost over," she said, frowning. While there was no one above Shepard to tell her what to do with her time, she kept a strict schedule for herself and only allotted an adequate amount of down time. "I'll need to get back to work soon." Lowering her arm again, she said, "It was nice chatting with you, Liara. I'll stop by and see you when I'm off-duty again."

Liara could feel Shepard's tone slowly slipping back into the tight, formal speech that she used the majority of the time. That cool professionalism that kept her slightly isolated from others. Suddenly, Liara realized that she longed to see the more relaxed side of Shepard again. But she couldn't think of anything to say, so she just nodded.

Shepard turned sharply on her heel and headed towards the door, her face the mask of the commanding officer. And then she was gone. Liara looked back at the drive core again and thought about what Shepard had said. It _had_ been nice to see her excited about something; to see past her barriers for a moment to who she might be without the rank and job of a soldier. Not that Liara didn't appreciate the commander's talent for leading and fighting, but it was nice to see a different side of Shepard. Walking back towards the door, Liara vowed that she would try to see what else Shepard was passionate about.


	2. Expectations

**Do you like poetry? I do. I like it a lot. If you read any of my stories, expect to see a lot of poetry. A trait all of my Shepards share is that they love poetry (my way of putting a piece of myself in all of them). Anyway, my point is: be ready for a good amount of poetry references in this chapter. Ashley, of course, has her Tennyson, but I have my favorite time period from 1830-1970. I try my best not to beat you over the head with it if you don't like poetry, but you can let me know if I succeeded. Anyway this is the last background chapter before we get into the romance.**

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**Expectations**

Shepard used to live in fear of her alarm clock. Now, it was a saving grace that rescued her from nightmares about the destruction of all life. The visions flashing through her head intensified during sleep. They mixed with her memories of Mindoir until she was just running - from slavers, from the Reapers, from everything. Normally, she would awake exhausted and relieved to not have to face the visions again. Sleeping was an activity she had always enjoyed; it was worth sticking it to the Reapers if only because they took that away from her.

Rolling out of bed, she stumbled to the mirror on the far wall and examined her haggard face. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. Luckily, the darkness beneath her eyes could be covered with makeup and her disheveled, black hair could be combed back. Slapping her cheeks sharply three times to bring color back into them, Shepard thought, _Just act like you're alright and you will be. It's all in the mind. No one needs to see you like this._

After dressing in a crisp uniform and making herself up into the picture of professionalism, she stepped out of her room into the mess hall and headed straight to the coffee. Scanning the area quickly, she noticed that only Liara was seated at the table, reading a datapad while eating a bowl of cereal. It had been around two weeks since they'd first rescued her from Therum and Liara had slowly seemed to adjust to living on the Normandy. She'd also proven capable and useful out in the field with her biotics. That had been quite the surprise. Liara was so innocent, maybe even a little naive, but she was skilled when it came to using her biotics in battle. Maybe all asari were. It hadn't been what Shepard had expected though.

Bringing her coffee over to the table and taking the seat across from Liara, Shepard examined the cereal that the asari had chosen. She'd adapted well to only having human food on the ship - that or dexro-amino foods for Garrus and Tali. The cereal appeared to be one of the generic brands that was mostly fiber based flakes. But, interestingly, the asari had put water in the bowl instead of milk which made Shepard begin to chuckle.

Liara looked up from her datapad at the noise, startled to see Shepard sitting across from her. She quickly put down the pad saying, "Oh, Shepard, I did not see you there." Then a little more suspiciously, "What is so funny?"

Shepard took a sip from her coffee with a grin before answering, "I just thought it was funny that you put water in your cereal instead of milk. Does it taste good?"

Liara looked down at her bowl and then quizzically at Shepard. "It tastes fine. Certainly better than some of the prepackaged meals I have eaten while on archeological digs." Tilting her head she added, "You normally eat this with milk? I thought only infants drink milk."

Shepard shrugged. "Yes, but humans sometimes drink cows' milk, or we'll put it in cereal. Just one of the strange things we do." Shepard took another sip of her coffee while she thought for a moment. "Actually, it's probably good that you didn't try to put milk in your cereal. Asari are probably lactose intolerant. Some humans are too. It wouldn't be a fun experience."

Liara looked at her bowl of cereal with a sort of scientific curiosity; Shepard could only wonder what kind of conclusions she was drawing about humanity. Smiling, she said, "I'm afraid you're going to get a bad impression of our cuisine from living on the Normandy. You'll have to let me cook you something that hasn't been military approved sometime."

Turning a dark shade of blue and refusing to meet Shepard's eyes, Liara said quietly, "I would like that, Commander."

Shepard hid her smile behind her coffee mug. It was oddly endearing to see Liara embarrassed or flustered. She really was an innocent and sweet person. Not at all like Shepard, which was probably what made her like Liara so much.

There was the sound of the elevator doors opening and footsteps heading towards the mess hall. Shepard craned her neck to see Ashley coming around the corner with a mug in her hand. Before the gunnery chief saw her, the commander called out, "In my dreams I am always saying goodbye and riding away, whither and why I know not nor do I care."

Ashley blinked at the words and when her eyes fell on Shepard, she sighed and said, "It's a little early for this, don't you think, Skipper?"

But the commander wagged a finger and said, "Rules are rules, Chief."

Ashley sighed again, though also smiled, as she poured herself another cup of coffee and thought. Liara watched the two women in confusion. Finally, Ashley responded, "Twilight and evening bell, and after that the dark! And may there be no sadness of farewell, when I embark."

Shepard put her chin in her hand as she dug through her memory for a response. Liara continued to looked inquisitively from one woman to the other, not sure what was happening. Then Shepard's face lit up and she winked at Liara before turning to Ashley and saying, "Into the dark night resignedly I go, I am not so afraid of the dark night as the friends I do not know."

Coming over to the table and setting her cup down, Ashley crossed her arms over her chest with a smug smile and said without pause, "I cannot rest from travel: I will drink life to the lees: all times I have enjoy'd greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those that loved me, and alone."

Shepard frowned and once more put her chin in her hands as she thought. There was a long pause before Ashley interrupted, "Just admit it, Skipper. You can't top that. You shouldn't have made travelling one of the main topics in your first line. You can't beat Tennyson when it comes to writing about an epic journey."

Shepard gave a sly grin. "Well, if I don't play to his strengths, then there's no way you'll ever win."

Laying a hand dramatically over her heart, Ashley replied, "Ouch, Skipper. That wounded me right here."

Laughing Shepard said, "Well, I guess you win this round. I can't think of a comeback."

"I look forward to the next round so I can whip your butt again."

Liara had no idea what the two women were talking about. When Shepard saw her confused expression, she explained, "Ash and I have a little poetry competition going on. Her favorite poet is this old hack -"

"Hey!" Ashley objected.

"This guy named Tennyson," Shepard amended with a grin. "And my favorite poet is a woman named Stevie Smith. We have a little game going on where one of us will pick a line of poetry and the other person has to match it with a line from their favorite poet. All lines have to be related to the subject or subjects of the first line and to the line just before. And it all has to be from memory. Whoever can't think of a line first, loses."

"I was not aware that you both liked poetry," Liara commented.

Ashley let out a derisive snort, but Shepard said, "Yeah, it doesn't fit into the image of tough marine most people have. I was surprised when Ashley started quoting Tennyson at me. It's a part of our lives before the military. Part of the people we used to be."

Ashley jabbed the commander with her elbow and said, "Don't get all sentimental, Skipper."

Turning her palms up and shrugging, Shepard answered, "It's hard to quote poetry and not be just a little sentimental."

Grabbing her coffee mug and turning back towards the elevator, Ashley waved her free hand and called over her shoulder, "Well, I'm going back down to my work bench to be a _productive_ member of the crew. Let me know if you need someone to watch your back, Skipper."

Shepard just shook her head with a smirk. Liara examined the commander's amused expression with curiosity while she moved her cereal about with her spoon. When she heard the elevator door close she ventured, "Shepard, may I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I do not want to offend you, but I have noticed that the way you act with some of the human crew is different here on the Normandy than when we are out in the field. This is the first time I have ever heard Chief Williams call you Skipper, or make fun of you like she does with everyone else."

Shepard leaned back and nodded. "You're right. It is different. With Ash and Kaidan things are a little weird because I'm both their commanding officer and their friend. When we're on duty and out in the field we have to keep an appropriate distance from one another. But when we're off duty, we're just people and we can be casual. It can be difficult because if they ever slip up and call me Shepard, or say something inappropriate while we're on duty, then I have to reprimand them for it."

Liara raised an eyebrow. "But if you are the commander, then do you not make the rules? Can you not just decide to not enforce the regulations?"

"I suppose I could, but I wouldn't do that. The regs are there for a reason. When I'm leading soldiers into battle, I'm not the same person who is sitting here chatting with you. I can't have the people following me ever doubt my motivations. I can't have them wondering if my personal feelings are clouding my judgment. The same applies to those of you who aren't a part of the Alliance. Though none of you have to show the same formality that Ash and Kaidan do, I can't treat you any differently than I do them. Everyone under my command needs to see me as professional and willing to fulfill my responsibility."

Liara frowned at her now soggy cereal. "I suppose that makes sense... but it seems awfully hard on you. It must make it hard to get close to people."

"I'm not really sure," Shepard said while studying Liara's somber expression. "I've been doing it for so long that I hardly notice anymore. I can still be friends with my squad. I just can't do anything that may make them think that my ability to command is compromised."

Liara's blue eyes met Shepard's stormy violet one's for a moment. "I do not think I could doubt you, Commander."

The dark haired woman fumbled for a response, not quite sure what to say. Something in Liara's stare was able to completely disarm her. "Thank you, Liara. That means a lot to me," was all she managed to say.

Smiling, the asari picked up her bowl and left the table. Shepard was surprised to find that she had been holding her breath and quickly took a few deep gulps of air. She had never expected to reveal so much of herself to the young prothean expert, but something about Liara made Shepard comfortable telling her these things. She was a good soul, someone Shepard could trust. She wasn't what Shepard had expected, but that was a good thing.


	3. All Things Pass

**Now for the action and getting into the meat of things. This will be Shepard's first character arc, though not her last. The title comes from a line of poetry (seriously, expect a lot of poetry references in my work). As promised, this will start us down the romance path, though perhaps not in the way you expected. I didn't know where this chapter was originally going; I just thought "Hey! Let's give Chakwas something to do!" and I figured there would have been more injuries than what was shown in the game. I also figured recovery time on injuries would be fairly fast due to medical advancements by this time. Anyway, I ended up liking where this went. So far, this is my favorite chapter.**

**Oh, and Wrex is my favorite character hands down. I will look for any excuse to write him into the story.**

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**All Things Pass**

"The asari is down," came the krogan's gruff voice over the radio. Shepard froze, giving the mercenary caught in the sights of her sniper rifle enough time to duck behind cover before she could pull the trigger. As she lay on her stomach on a ridge above the mercenary camp, sniper rifle positioned to pick off anyone too stupid to not stay in cover, she felt her stomach suddenly go hollow and her throat tighten. The words kept rearranging themselves in her mind. Liara was down. Liara was hurt. Liara had been shot.

Her hesitation was only momentary however, and she quickly snapped, "Give me your position, Wrex."

"We're close to the Mako, but there's no cover in-between. Our asses will be hanging out while we make a run for it. And I'll have to carry the asari if you want her to make it."

Shepard swung her rifle towards the Mako and proceeded to search for any sign of the krogan. "You're gonna have to make a run for it Wrex. I'll cover you and Dr. T'Soni, but you'll need to move quickly."

He grunted in response. "If I get killed, Shepard, I'm coming after you."

Shepard continued to scan the area, picking off any mercenaries close to the Mako. Then she spotted them, Wrex sprinting from the left with Liara in his arms. Even through the scope, Shepard couldn't see where Liara had been injured, and she didn't have time to ponder as the mercenaries quickly started moving in on her companions' position. Fueled by adrenaline, Shepard fired shot after shot at the mercenaries, aiming to penetrate shields and dispatch the enemy as rapidly as possible.

She didn't dare to pause until she heard Wrex's voice in her ear again, "We're in the Mako, Shepard."

Watching as the mercenaries scattered back into cover, the commander let out her pent up breath. "How is Dr. T'Soni? Where is she injured?"

"The leg, I think. Our friends set up some explosive traps that we didn't expect. The asari took some shrapnel to the leg."

Shepard wanted to demand more details, but knew that now wasn't the time. Instead she said, "Time for payback then. Take control of the Mako and tear them a new quad, Wrex."

"Can do, Shepard," he answered happily.

As the Mako rampaged through the merc camp, Shepard finally let her posture relax and her mind run free. She should have known from the beginning that this mission was a mistake. Nuclear payloads and an "abandoned" mine were not promising combinations. Then the confrontation with Elanos Haliat, the mastermind behind the Skyllian Blitz, who had a personal vendetta against Shepard. She'd disarmed the nukes in time and found a way out of the mine, but only to find the Mako surrounded by a bunch of heavily armed thugs. _I should have known better than to split the team_, she told herself. _I should have suspected that the mercs would lay traps around the camp._ She should have been injured by that trap, not Liara. The young doctor wasn't a soldier after all; Shepard never should have put her in danger. Hanging her head, all she could think was that she had failed in her command.

When Wrex had finished clearing out the mercs and picked Shepard up in the Mako, the commander found Liara lying in the back of the vehicle, a grimace of pain on her face. She opened her eyes when Shepard knelt down beside her to examine her injured right leg. Several shards of metal pierced through the armor just below the knee.

"Did you already apply medi-gel?" she asked.

Liara nodded, her face pale.

Calling to the cockpit, where Wrex was still seated, Shepard said, "Wrex, call the Normandy and tell them to meet us at the rendezvous point. Tell Joker that we'll need the med-bay ready."

He grunted his understanding and the Mako lurched forward. Turning her attention back to Liara, she tried to sound reassuring as she said, "Dr. Chakwas will patch you up just fine. Don't worry."

Again, Liara nodded, but her face was a mask of pain. Shepard felt something twisting in her chest, a sense of helplessness filling her. Reaching out and gripping Liara's right hand with both of hers, Shepard tried to smile. Liara did manage to smile back, and it seemed then that she was the one doing the comforting.

Back aboard the Normandy, Chakwas was ready to meet them and took control of the situation. Shepard hung back, not wanting to interfere, but she made sure to follow to the med-bay and wait outside the doors. Wrex also followed and stood beside the commander.

Shepard raised her head to look at him and asked, "What exactly happened out there, Wrex?"

His red eyes flicked from the med-bay to her and he shrugged. "It was bad luck, Shepard. We were making our way into the camp just fine when T'Soni stepped on some kind of trigger. I just heard the click, then a beeping, and realized that something was about to explode. I pushed the asari out of the way, but the blast still caught her in the leg. I pulled the shards out of my leg and waited for the skin to regenerate, but she couldn't do that."

Shepard looked at the krogan, at first a little shocked, and then a grin spread across her lips. "You saved, Dr. T'Soni?"

Wrex snorted and raised his head. "Don't think much of it. It would have looked bad if the asari got torn to shreds while I walked away just fine."

Smiling, Shepard whispered, "Thanks, Wrex." He just grunted and turned towards the elevator without another word.

Shepard didn't know how long she waited for Dr. Chakwas to come out, but she maintained her lonely vigil until the med-bay doors opened. She wasn't sure why she wouldn't allow herself to sit, or at least leave for ten minutes to change out of her armor. She also didn't know how her haunt of the med-bay would appear to the other members of the crew - or even what it meant to her. Surely, she reasoned, she would do the same for any member of her squad, wouldn't she?

When Chakwas finally appeared, Shepard hastily asked, "How is she?"

"She'll be fine," the gray haired doctor said. "The armor absorbed most of the shrapnel and her barriers slowed the speed of impact. Blood loss was minimal and she doesn't appear to have suffered from shock. I expect that she'll be on her feet in a couple of days and she'll have no long term injury."

Inwardly, Shepard sighed with relief. Outwardly, she asked, "Is she awake?"

"She's resting now." Shepard shifted awkwardly on the balls of her feet, not sure whether she should leave or stay and wait. Chakwas seemed to study the commander for a moment before saying with a sly grin, "You can go in, and sit and wait if you'd like, Commander."

"Ah... thanks, Doctor," Shepard replied, ducking her head in gratitude and slipping past the woman into the med-bay.

Near the back of the room, Liara was lying on one of the examination tables. Her armor had been stripped off so that she wore only the plain, black jumpsuit that was standard Alliance issue under-armor. Chakwas had cut the cloth at the right knee so that a blue, bandaged leg showed. Shepard felt a strange pang in her chest, which she quickly tried to suppress. Crossing the room, she took a seat on the examination table next to Liara and waited. She also noticed that Chakwas had quite suddenly disappeared from sight.

Now that things were calm and Liara was in no danger, Shepard studied the asari's pale blue face with curiosity. Her features were extremely human, down to the freckles that dotted her cheeks, although her skin tone and crest were distinctly alien. But her kindness, her good-intentions, those were recognizable too. And she was smart, a scholar - Shepard's mother would have liked that. She had been a literature teacher on their home planet of Mindoir. Always reading, always researching, just like Liara. They probably would have gotten along well. And her father... he probably would have liked her humbleness, her sincerity. Her brothers would have teased Liara for being so shy, but it would have been all in fun like when Shepard did it. Her little sister would have asked Liara a thousand questions and keep coming up with new ones. Suddenly, Shepard realized that she was grinning stupidly to herself and again she felt the strange pang in her chest.

Then it dawned on her what was happening to her. In a split second, Shepard was on her feet, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end and her eyes wide. _No, no, no_, she thought. _That can't be right. That's not what's happening. I am not infatuated with Liara._

_Then why were you thinking about what your family would have thought of her?_ another part of her mind reasoned. _What are you doing here in the med-bay waiting on her like some lovesick puppy when you already know she will be fine?_

Shepard couldn't think of adequate explanations for those questions, but she couldn't acknowledge the real answer either. _I'm the commanding officer_, she told herself. _I can't be involved with one of my crew. It would be unprofessional. It would compromise my command. It would... it would..._

Her heart pounded in her chest as her body urged her to run away from the situation. She just needed to bury those feelings somewhere else and wait for enough time to pass. Besides, Liara deserved better than some marine who was constantly on dangerous missions and would probably die young. She deserved some equally smart and accomplished scholar who could grow old with her and make her happy. On top of that, they weren't even the same species. True, the asari were not that different from humans than other species were, like turians, and the only species Shepard hated was batarians, but the difference was still there.

Shaking her head, Shepard tried to push all those thoughts away. She just needed to leave all that behind and get on with the mission. As she tried to clear her mind, one line kept resounding in her skull like a chant, building up until she finally whispered, "All things pass, love and mankind are grass." She wanted to laugh at the silliness of it, but instead she found herself repeating it like a mantra, muttering it with increasing conviction as if she could ward off her feelings with the sheer force of the statement. "All things pass, love and mankind are grass... All things pass, love and mankind are grass... All things pass..."

Turning towards the door, Shepard readied to leave the med-bay and go back to her room and change, but a quiet voice stopped her. "Shepard?"

She looked down at Liara, who was just opening her eyes. Frozen mid-step, she had no idea what else she could do but stay and talk. "How are you feeling, Dr. T'Soni?" she asked, hoping that using the formality might help to distance her feelings.

Liara grimaced and rested a hand on her right leg. "As Wrex might have put it, I feel like I took one to the quad."

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle. "You're getting better at that whole humor thing."

"I try," she answered, grinning sheepishly.

Not sure what else she should say, Shepard stumbled, "Uh, Chakwas said you'll be fine in a couple of days. I'm - I'm sorry I put you in danger."

Liara shook her head. "Don't be. Sometimes accidents happen. I trust your judgment, Commander." Again Shepard felt the pang in her chest. "Besides, this will pass."

Shepard didn't trust herself to say anything so she just nodded in response.

Liara looked at the dark haired woman with a curious expression before saying, "You're still in your armor."

Feeling the heat rise in her face, the commander looked away quickly and muttered, "I wanted to make sure you were ok before I changed."

Liara smiled. "Thank you, Shepard."

Rocking anxiously on her feet and shrugging, Shepard said, "Well, I should let you rest. I'll check on you tomorrow." Beating a hasty retreat, the dark haired woman quickly crossed the mess hall to the captain's quarters and shut the door behind her. When she was alone, she let her shoulders sag and sighed heavily, leaning back against the door. Her blood was pounding in her ears, drowning out all other sound. Resting her head against the cool metal, she closed her eyes. _I_ _can't have these kinds of feelings for one of my crew_, she told herself. _It isn't professional. It isn't right_. The mantra bubbled up to her lips again and she found herself praying that the words would be true.

_All things pass, love and mankind are grass._


	4. Part of the Job

**A special thank you to valentinian, iamthespark1, and themarshal for their reviews. Glad you guys are enjoying the story so far and I hope you enjoy where it ends up.**

**This is the shortest chapter by far. I wanted to show how much distance Shepard is putting between herself and Liara, at least at first. And Liara is starting to piece things together, albeit slowly. Oh, and I use Shepard's first name here once. I didn't want to, and I tried to avoid it, but it ended up being necessary. You don't need to pay it any special piece of mind. I will try to avoid using it in the future.**

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**Part of the Job**

Liara's fingers hovered uncertainly over her keyboard for a minute before typing in two search terms: _Commander Shepard_. In the next second her screen showed over a thousand results, links to articles, videos, databases. Without thinking, Liara flexed her right leg and massaged the muscle with her hand. It didn't really hurt anymore thanks to Dr. Chakwas' treatment, and Liara had been assured that she would be back at one hundred percent in a couple of days. Still, her mind was trying to wrap itself around the realization that she had suffered her first major injury. Her first battle scar, as Wrex called it - though Chakwas had also assured her that the skin likely wouldn't scar.

The asari found her mind once more drifting to Shepard, and thinking that Shepard had several scars. The ones Liara had seen included the cut above the commander's right eyebrow, the crooked crescent that snaked around the knuckle of her middle-right finger, and the burn line etched along her left tricep. However, she felt certain that Shepard carried more scars on her body than just those three.

Shaking her head suddenly, Liara thought, _Why am I thinking about Shepard's body? It's bad enough that I acted on my impulse to look up Shepard on the extranet._ Telling herself that she was simply curious because the commander was an interesting and enigmatic individual, Liara clicked on the first link and began reading. Liara had considered asking the commander about her history directly, but the dark haired woman had been distant the last few days. Of course, she acted like nothing was wrong, but she never stayed to talk to Liara as long as usual, and she seemed to steer conversation as far away from personal topics as possible. Though Liara wasn't sure what had brought about this sudden change, she suspected that Shepard felt guilty over what happened on the last mission. She had managed to convince herself that if she had actual information about Shepard's past to talk about during their next conversation, then she could make Shepard forget about her guilt and converse freely again. Shepard was the only friend Liara had ever really had and she didn't want to risk losing that friendship.

Sorting through the information on the extranet was a lot like uncovering artifacts at a dig site. The most recent news was on the surface - Shepard's appointment as the first human spectre - and the more layers Liara pulled away the farther back in time she saw. Before joining the spectres, Shepard's big accomplishment was being awarded the Star of Terra for her actions during the Skyllian Blitz. This wasn't a huge surprise, as that madman Elanos Haliat had claimed to hate Shepard for her involvement during that event. Information before that, however, was a little harder to find. There was a brief article about graduating marines of the N7 program in which Shepard's name was listed. Then Liara found a record of Shepard's enlistment in the year 2172. She dug around for a while, trying to find information before that, until she finally stumbled upon an article about an attack on a colony called Mindoir.

Liara read through the entire article, which detailed the destruction and casualties of the attack, not sure what it had to do with Shepard. There were a few pictures included with the text; images of burned homes, blackened farmland, bodies covered by sheets, and fires raging out of control. It wasn't until she scrolled to the bottom that she found Shepard's name listed amongst a group of less than twenty survivors. It sat seven places down from the top of the list, small and meek between all the other names: Sophia Shepard.

Liara leaned back in her chair and stared at the screen. She had never heard the commander's first name before, but somehow she was positive that this was the same person. Counting back from Shepard's date of enlistment with the Alliance, Liara realized that the woman would have been sixteen when the attack took place. If she had her facts about human ages straight, then sixteen was not quite an adult by human standards.

"You ok there, Doctor?" came a voice from the doorway.

Liara turned to see Shepard hovering at the edge of the room, studying Liara with her violet eyes. The asari quickly rose to her feet to greet the commander, saying, "Oh, Shepard. Yes, I am fine. I was just-" Then thinking better of bringing up Mindoir immediately, she asked, "How are you feeling today?"

Shepard behaved like she had for the past few days: she didn't maintain eye contact with Liara and her voice was oddly distant. "I'm fine. How's your leg?"

"It is practically healed. It already seems like it happened a long time ago."

Shepard nodded her understanding. At the same time, Liara noticed the commander's left hand trace the crescent scar on the back of her right hand - though Shepard didn't seem aware of what she was doing. The dark haired woman said, "I've told Joker to set a course for Noveria. We have reason to think Benez- your mother - is there." There was an awkward silence between them until Shepard added, "I wanted to know if you wanted to accompany me when we reach Noveria and try to talk to her." Her violet eyes finally met Liara's for a moment. "I'll understand if you don't want to, but I'll understand if you want to talk to her as well. It's your decision."

Liara blinked rapidly, not sure what to say. A part of her had assumed that Shepard would not risk bringing her close to Benezia in case she had a change of heart and switched sides. Did she really trust her that much? "I - Do you think I can convince her to turn on Saren?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't know. But she's your mother... I thought you might want to try. I want this to end peacefully. I don't want to do something that might... hurt you."

Liara believed the sincerity in Shepard's voice and it touched her. "Benezia and I have been estranged for some time... But I will try. Thank you, Shepard."

The commander just nodded and looked as if she was about to turn and leave, but Liara stopped her by saying, "Uh, Shepard, I wanted to talk to you about something. If that is alright."

Shepard tilted her head and asked, "What is it?"

Not sure how to start, Liara cleared her throat and said, "Well, I was curious about you and I looked into your history to learn more about you."

Shepard raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. "You could have just asked me, Liara."

She felt the heat rising in her face and shifted nervously on her feet. "I know, I just... I was not sure if you wanted to talk about it. But I read about the Blitz and about Mindoir and I..."

"And you wanted to know what it was like?" Shepard offered, her tone harsh.

"No," Liara said quickly. "I know it must have been awful. I wanted to ask why you joined the Alliance. Why you became who you were."

Shepard seemed surprised. There was a long pause before she answered. "The batarians took everything from me. Whoever else I could have been died on Mindoir with my family. The Alliance rescued me. They stopped the slavers. They avenged my family for me. I owe them for that. I owe it to every innocent person to protect them from harm. It's my job."

"But what if you wanted something else?" Liara asked, and she wasn't sure why her voice quivered.

Those violet eyes seemed to search Liara's face, looking desperately for something. Then Shepard quietly said, "I don't think protectors get to have the things they wish for. It isn't part of the job." She stared intently at the floor for a while before turning and walking out the door. Liara watched her go in silence, unsure of exactly what had taken place, but knowing that it was significant.

There was a strange pang in her chest, a grief caused by Shepard's words. For some reason they gnawed at her as if there was some deeper meaning, but she had no idea what that meaning was. When she tried to drive Shepard from her thoughts, she found it an impossible task. Her mind kept bringing her back to the pained look on the woman's face, back to those violet eyes, back to the sincerity of her words. A strange emotion was bubbling up from her core, something that she had mistaken for scientific interest at first. But this emotion was new and Liara could not place it as anything she understood. All she was certain of was that she wanted Shepard to be happy and have whatever she wished for.


	5. Gone

**Just going to say that there's a ton of foreshadow in this chapter. I didn't really intend on that being the case, but it just kind of happened. There's the obvious foreshadow of their future relationship, foreshadow of Virmire, and also the events of LotSB. This is also the first chapter where you see a little bit of Shepard's anger coming through. It'll play a bigger role later.**

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**Gone**

Gone. Over a millennium of existence and then just... gone. The flame of life snuffed out on some frozen hell-hole that would likely be erased from public memory and buried under red tape. Liara hadn't known that she was harboring any piece of Benezia in her heart until suddenly that part was gone, and it felt like she had a gaping chest wound for the whole galaxy to see. And yet, the worst of it was that she felt like she should cry, grieve for the woman who had raised her, given her life, but when she reached for the tears they just weren't there. It felt like such a betrayal; she couldn't shed even one tear for her mother.

Benezia hadn't even been herself in the end - Saren's slave, her mind his playground. There were moments when Liara thought her mother had regained her freedom, but they were fleeting. Even if she pieced all those moments together, they didn't form enough time to say goodbye. Liara didn't even know how she should feel. If she couldn't be sad, then should she be angry? And who should she be angry at? Herself for not being able to save her mother? At Shepard for being Benezia's enemy? For pulling the trigger? Or at Benezia for thinking she could control Saren? For abandoning Liara?

Sitting on her cot, head in her hands, Liara tried to sort through the muck of her feelings. Her thoughts were a ruined dig site, filled with mud that refused to be pushed aside to find the truth. Every time she thought that she had unearthed something, a torrent of different emotions would wash over her find, and obscure it from view.

Shepard hung in the doorway for a while, watching thoughtfully, but hesitant to disturb Liara's silence. The young doctor had not yet noticed the commander standing there. A part of Shepard was afraid of what Liara might say - Benezia had died because of Shepard after all - but she knew that she couldn't leave her friend alone. Walking quietly across the room, Shepard sat down next to Liara on the cot. Liara raised her head, noticing the commander at last, but neither of them spoke. Shepard knew that her words were fairly useless at this point; her actions were far more important.

Aware of the trembling in her hands, Shepard wrapped her arms around Liara and pulled her into an embrace, the asari's head resting above her heart. Briefly, she wondered if Liara could hear how fast her heart was beating, as if trying to tell her that she was in dangerous territory. All the effort she had put into trying to smother any attraction she had for Liara, and here she was so close that she could feel the doctor's body heat against her own flesh. She was setting herself up for heartache, for disappointment, and yet she couldn't watch Liara grieve alone.

Liara was more than a little shocked at the embrace, suddenly feeling Shepard's arms wrapped around her shoulders, her cheek pressed against the commander's chest. Yet, at the same time, she found it oddly comforting, as if it was what she had wanted all along. She encircled her arms around Shepard's waist and closed her eyes, content in the moment.

After a period of silence, Shepard finally whispered, "Tell me about your mother." It was not really information that Shepard wanted to hear. Knowing more about the woman she had killed, about the life she had been forced to take, would not make bearing it any easier. But it would help Liara. Hopefully she would have a chance to properly mourn her mother.

"She was well respected back on Thessia," Liara murmured against Shepard's chest. "Skilled at a lot of things: biotics, philosophy, public speaking. I... I do not really know what else to say. She raised me. She was the only parent I had."

Shepard only hummed a simple, "Hm," to show that she was listening. She didn't want to steer Liara in any particular direction, only give her a chance to say whatever she needed to say.

There was a lapse of silence, and then Liara said, "You know, when I was young, we used to walk in the garden every day. It seemed like the only time that I ever had my mother all to myself. She would set aside that hour - no work, no meetings, nothing else on her mind. And we would just walk and talk about ordinary things." Another pause and then Liara's voice was darker. "She stopped doing that just before I left to go to the University of Serrice. That was when I told her that I wanted to study the past instead of looking at the future, like her." Her voice trailed off, and Shepard felt Liara shudder. Instinctively, Shepard held her a little tighter as Liara said, "I think... that is when I really lost my mother. I lost her when I did not fit into her plans anymore. I lost her to her responsibilities."

Liara's shoulders shook beneath Shepard's arms, and the commander felt liquid seeping through the front of her blue fatigues, a few droplets landing on her leg as well. Liara was shocked by her own tears; she thought that they had been locked away tightly, but now she couldn't stop the water pouring forth from her eyes. These tears were over forty years old, just waiting for her to acknowledge them.

She was aware that she was soiling Shepard's shirt, but she couldn't bring herself to break the embrace. In fact, Liara found herself holding onto the commander more tightly. She was a source of safety, of comfort.

As for Shepard, the dark haired woman stroked the asari's back softly as she cried. She waited patiently for Liara to mourn however long she needed. Yet, in the meantime, Liara's words kept rolling around in Shepard's head. _I lost her to her responsibilities_. How many things had Shepard lost because of her responsibilities? How much would she lose yet? She would lose a chance at closeness with Liara because of her responsibilities. Though, there was no indication that Liara even felt remotely attracted to her. Shepard got the distinct impression that the asari had never been in love, and the idea had probably never even crossed her mind. She probably thought of Shepard as a good friend and nothing more, and hopefully, it would stay that way.

When Liara's tears finally stopped, she pulled away from Shepard, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. "Thank you," she whispered.

The commander nodded and said, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes. I am glad I could cry for her." Then, looking at the water stain on the front of Shepard's shirt, she said, "Oh, I am sorry I got your shirt all wet."

Shepard looked down at the stain and frowned. This would be hard to explain to anyone who happened to see her exiting Liara's room, and gossip was not something she wished to be a part of. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted an air vent at one end of the room. Walking over to it, she placed her hand over the grate and felt warm air. Without much thought, she stripped off her shirt and held it in front of the vent so that the warm air would dry the spot. She stood there still in her blue pants, with her black sports bra showing, and dog tags draped around her neck.

Liara examined the commander, feeling her face turn hot. She didn't know why she suddenly felt embarrassed; Shepard was certainly not indecently covered with only her shoulders and midsection bare. Besides, it was nothing she had never seen before, but somehow the fact that it was Shepard made it different. The commander always looked put together, her clothes crisp, her hair pulled back, and never any sign of fatigue. Any state of undress seemed out of place. Liara would be equally as shocked to see Shepard's hair down, or to see her in civilian attire. For the commander to let Liara see her in a way outside of her professional image seemed so strangely... intimate. She doubted many people ever saw this side of Shepard.

When Shepard turned her head back to Liara, casually leaning with her shirt pressed against the vent, the asari didn't know if she should avert her eyes or if she was meant to share in this personal display. Judging by Shepard's cool demeanor and apparent obliviousness to the strangeness of the situation, Liara decided to not remark or make any sign of having noticed the divergence in her behavior.

"After Mindoir I remember I was looking for someone to blame," Shepard said suddenly, as if she were continuing a conversation that had never taken place. "At first, I blamed myself for being the only one out of my family who survived. I wasn't even the youngest - poor, little Jamie... she was only eleven years old..." She shook her head, fighting back the memories that threatened to rise to the surface. "Then I blamed my family, for dying and leaving me alone. I blamed the Alliance for getting there too late to save them. I blamed all of the wrong people. And then I realized who I should be blaming. The batarian slavers who killed them." Her free hand closed into a fist and Liara could see the muscles and tendons tighten in her arm. The crimson burn mark on Shepard's left tricep seemed to gleam like fresh blood. "And to this day I still hate batarians. All of them. Whenever I see one, even if he's just minding his business out in public, my hand twitches towards my gun as if that same batarian was the slaver that shot my mother in the back when she tried to shield my siblings and me from danger." A look of pain mixed with disgust contorted Shepard's face. "My desire for revenge is so great that I don't think I could even bring myself to help an innocent batarian. I can't see an innocent among them."

Shepard's body looked tightly coiled like a spring, ready to lash out at any minute. While she had talked to Liara, she had stared at the far wall as if she saw something else. Her voice seemed to sharpen as she talked, until her words were a razor edge of violence. Liara watched cautiously, but didn't dare to interrupt the commander's thoughts. Eventually, Shepard took a deep breath and the tension in her body seemed to dissipate. She open her clenched fist, turning her palm up to the ceiling.

"Anyway, my point is that you're going to feel angry for what you've lost. You're going to want someone to blame. And I wanted to tell you that you shouldn't blame Benezia, and you shouldn't blame yourself either."

"Or you," Liara offered quietly.

Shepard just shrugged, her expression poignant. "I don't know if I'm to blame. I don't think I have the wisdom to clear my own name. That's something you'll have to decide."

Those words surprised Liara. Shepard was inviting her to lay the guilt at her feet if Liara felt that was where it belonged. She made no defense of her actions, only indicated that she was prepared to accept the blame if that was just.

"But if you want to know who I think is to blame," Shepard said, "I think it's Saren. He betrayed the council and the galaxy. He controlled your mother against her will. And he'll kill plenty more people if he gets the chance."

Liara blinked at Shepard. She was right. It seemed obvious now that Saren was the reason her mother was dead. If anyone deserved her anger, it was him.

"But I wanted to tell you to be careful," Shepard added. "That anger and rage is a powerful thing. It can control you, and if you don't have it all figured out early on it can spread until you can't pull it back anymore. I can't distinguish between a slaver and an innocent batarian anymore. And even though in my mind I know that isn't right, when I'm faced with a decision it's my heart that will tell me what to do, and my heart wants retribution. Just... be careful, Liara. You don't want to ever let revenge consume you. You don't want to be like me."

Liara didn't know what to say. She knew that Shepard had just shared with her something personal, a side of herself that she was ashamed of. Because she didn't know what to say, she just nodded in response. Shepard looked back to her shirt, holding it up to examine the front. The stain was mostly dry and she decided that she could make it back to her room to change without anyone noticing. Liara watched the commander place her shirt back on over her head, and a sense of distance suddenly seemed to exist between them again. The vulnerable, intimate side of Shepard was once more obscured behind the mask of her professionalism. Liara was surprised to find herself longing for that closeness again.

"I need to get back to my duties, Liara, but if you want to talk or need me for anything just let me know, ok?" Shepard said.

She nodded in response. "I will. Thank you, Shepard. I really appreciate what you have done for me."

Smiling, the commander gave her one last meaningful look before exiting the room. Liara stared after her for a while, wondering why she felt so lonely without Shepard there. Remembering the feeling of the woman's arms around her shoulders and the heat of Shepard's body against her face, Liara suddenly felt cold without her. She thought that she could be quite happy like that, being held in Shepard's arms.


	6. The Best We Can Do

**Phew, it took a while, but Liara will finally figure out that she has feelings for Shepard. Turns out she's not the only one that can be a little dense though. If you have any thoughts on this chapter's clarity, content, or effectiveness I'd love to hear them. Enjoy the drama!**

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**The Best We Can Do**

Liara might not ever have figured it out without Ashley's help. Of course, Ashley had no idea that she was helping - it was just a casual comment that sparked the first ember of understanding in Liara's mind. They were sitting together in the mess hall, having a typical conversation about the last ground mission. In the beginning, Ashley did not seem to like having Liara on the crew, but after the mission on Noveria she seemed to trust the asari more and made an effort to talk to her. The marine sat facing the back of the ship, where the sleeper pods were stored, and Liara sat across from her. At one point in the conversation, Ashley suddenly stared past Liara and an amused grin spread across her lips. While she noticed the odd expression, Liara didn't know what to make of it and continued to eat her food and talk.

After a few minutes, Ashley interrupted her by saying in a low, conspiratorial voice, "Alenko is definitely crushing on the commander. He's so goddamn obvious." Her voice was light and humorous.

Liara tilted her head, and taking a cue from Ashley kept her voice low when she asked, "What does that mean? Crushing?"

The dark haired woman thought for a moment before saying, "It means he's attracted to Shepard. You know, like he wants to get in her pants."

While Liara was not familiar with the expression, she was able to easily deduce the meaning. This news came as a shock to the asari, who had never thought anything strange about the lieutenant's behavior towards Shepard. "Why do you say that?" she asked.

"She's over there chatting with him now, and he's giving her the look."

"The look?"

"Yeah, the look," Ashley said, her tone suggested that it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy. "I dunno how to explain it to you if you don't know what it is. It's just... the look. A dead giveaway that you have the hots for someone."

Liara turned in her chair to look back at the lieutenant and the commander. Shepard was standing with her arms crossed, smiling and nodding at something Kaidan was saying. He was talking animatedly with his hands, his eyes intent upon her face. Though Liara wasn't sure what she should be looking for, she did notice that the expression on his face was a little strange, and she had difficultly interpreting its meaning.

"What are you doing?" Ashley hissed. "Don't look! They'll know we're talking about them." Liara quickly turned back around in her seat and sat still. Ashley shook her head and added, "Anyway, even if he wasn't giving her the look, he's so obvious when he talks about her. He's always interested in what she's doing and wanting to know all this stuff about her life. Plus he looks for any excuse to be around her. Trust me, he has a crush on Shepard."

Yet, Liara could empathize with all those desires. Often she found herself wondering what Shepard was doing and what she was thinking. She had looked up the commander's history in an effort to learn more about her life, and had planned to use it as an excuse to get closer to her. No one else on the ship occupied her thoughts as much as Shepard. But surely, she was just interested because the commander was a compelling individual, charismatic and a natural leader. Yes, Liara cared about her, but they were friends - that wasn't so strange, was it?

Earlier, Liara had mistaken her fascination with Shepard as a scientific interest. After all, Shepard had touched a prothean beacon and been changed by it. She had received the cipher and now understood the prothean language and culture. Liara had even mentioned this during their last conversation, saying that Shepard would be an interesting subject for an in-depth study. The commander had seemed shocked by the statement and Liara was afraid she had offended the human. But now Liara heard a double meaning in those words that made her blush; she hoped Ashley wasn't familiar enough with asari physiology to perceive the slight change in color.

Now it dawned on Liara that perhaps she could never identify her feelings towards Shepard because she had never experienced them before. She'd never spent much time around other people and an attraction to someone else was something completely new. Yet, how could she know if she had a "crush" on Shepard, and what did it mean if she did?

"Do you think Commander Shepard returns Lieutenant Alenko's feelings?" she asked suddenly.

Ashley leaned back in her chair for while, frowning. "That's harder to tell. You know how the commander is, all formal and by the book. She's not that easy to read. Hell, she doesn't even show if she's aware that he has a crush on her. I think the only way you'd find out would be to ask her directly, but I don't think she'd admit to it if she did have a thing for the LT. She could get in trouble for that kind of thing. Regs and all."

Liara nodded her understanding, but didn't say anything else about the subject. Ashley quickly found a different topic to discuss, but in the back of her head Liara was still mulling over what she'd learned. Did she have an attraction to Shepard? Did the commander feel that way about her? Or did Shepard perhaps have eyes for the lieutenant? As Ashley had pointed out, the only way to find out would be to ask Shepard directly.

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Later that day, Shepard was walking back from discussing the next destination with Joker, and found herself thinking about Liara. She wanted to kick herself for it. Thinking about the asari without cause was not an effective way to combat her inconvenient infatuation. Drumming out her mantra in her head, Shepard tried to distract her thoughts. _All things pass, love and mankind are grass_. But the moment she stopped chanting the phrase to herself, she found herself once more drifting back to her last conversation with the prothean expert.

She'd dodged a bullet then. Liara had said something awkward about wanting to study her more in-depth and there had been an obvious sexual undertone to the statement. The commander feared that Liara had developed feelings for her, and they were finally bubbling to the surface, but Liara seemed oblivious to the innuendo. In fact, her main reason for getting embarrassed seemed to be Shepard's reaction, and her thinking that she had offended the human by suggesting that she was a lab experiment. Liara's naivety and innocence managed to be a saving grace.

Yet, the funny thing was that Liara's complete lack of understanding still succeeded at being endearing. Shepard found herself grinning at the memory, and her feelings for the doctor were not any weaker. As her mind wandered, her feet moved of their own accord, and soon she was outside Liara's door. The remaining rational part of her brain told her that this was a bad situation and that she was tempting herself. Yet, that same part of her brain then had to acknowledge that Dr. Chakwas was present in the med-bay, and if Shepard suddenly turned and hurried away it would raise some suspicions. Hesitantly, she opened the door and walked inside, the door shutting behind her.

Liara rose to greet her. "Hello, Shepard. Did you need me for something?"

Shepard shrugged, trying to seem relaxed. "I just wanted to see if you cared to chat for a while." Liara seemed to be studying her more intently than she normally did, those blue eyes searching her face.

"Of course. What did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I thought we could pick up where we left off last time. I believe we were talking about the protheans and the beacons." Shepard hoped that choosing a topic that interested Liara would help keep them away from any kind of personal topics.

Liara raised her hand to her forehead in an embarrassed gesture and said, "Actually, I believe we were discussing my interest in you. I was saying that I wanted to study you more in-depth and made a fool of myself in the process."

A red flag immediately went up in Shepard's mind, but she told herself that Liara was just trying to make sure that she hadn't offended her. Nothing to be alarmed about. "Don't worry about it, Liara. I know you didn't mean anything by it. You're just interested in the fact that I touched the beacon on Eden Prime."

"Ah," Liara said, rubbing the back of her neck. "Actually, I had something I wanted to ask you. A personal question, if that is alright." She took a breath and then asked, "I was wondering if there was something going on - I mean, if you have a special relationship with Lieutenant Alenko."

Raising an eyebrow, Shepard was caught completely off-guard. Her and Kaidan? She had never really considered it. She doubted that he was even interested in her. "Uh, no, the lieutenant and I are not in any kind of relationship. He's a friend, but I wouldn't ever think of getting involved with him. There are serious regulations against that sort of thing anyway. It would be incredibly unprofessional." Liara's expression was unreadable and Shepard had no idea what she had expected to hear, or where she had even come up with the idea. _Ashley, I bet_, Shepard thought suddenly. _This has her written all over it. She probably put Liara up to this._

"Oh, I see," Liara said, but her tone suggested that she was considering something. "I am afraid that I am not very good at understanding how people interact with each other. I have never spent that much time around others and there is a lot I still need to learn about social relationships." She trailed off for a moment, and then she hit Shepard with the question that changed everything. "Maybe I am wrong about this too... but is there something between us, Commander? Something other than friendship, I mean."

Shepard couldn't help letting out a groan. She wished that she had never stepped past those doors just minutes ago. "Oh, no, Liara, you can't ask me that," she mumbled, covering her face with her hands.

Liara, however, misinterpreted this reaction and said, "I did not mean to offend you, Shepard. I understand if you do not feel that way towards me. I had these emotions and feelings that I did not understand, but maybe I mistook them. I really did not mean to offend you."

In that moment, Shepard saw a means of escape. She could confirm Liara's false notion and deny any attraction for her. Forgive the young expert for "offending" her and continue their friendship unperturbed. Yet, the idea of deceiving Liara like that and embarrassing her seemed unbearably cruel. She didn't want to lie to Liara. She couldn't lie to her.

"No, Liara," she said with a heavy sigh. "You weren't wrong and you didn't offend me. I don't know about your emotions, but I am attracted to you. I think about you all the time and I really do care about you."

It was as if Liara were solving a puzzle. Laying a hand over her heart and furrowing her brow, she said, "I have never had these feelings before, so I do not really know what they are. But I find myself wanting to be with you constantly and I feel... content with you. When I think about it, if I had to pick one person in the galaxy to be with, it is you."

Those words broke Shepard's heart. Words that normally she would be glad to hear, be overjoyed that her feelings were returned, now twisted her stomach like a crank.

Liara examined her face and said, "If we are both attracted to each other, isn't that a good thing? You look upset."

Shepard's breath shuttered in her chest. "Liara... we can't be together. This mission is important. We could die at any moment and I have to lead us to victory. That means I have to be able to make decisions... hard decisions, and my squad has to have faith in my judgment. The regulations... they may apply only to strictly Alliance personnel, but they're in place for a reason."

Liara seemed confused, or at least, she didn't respond and stared blankly at the commander. That look of uncertainty cut Shepard deeply and she found herself spouting new reasons as if quantity would make it better. "Besides Liara, you're a hundred and six and that's young by asari standards. I wouldn't want to take advantage of you. I would never want to push you into anything you weren't ready for."

At that, Liara blinked rapidly. "Shepard, I am an adult by asari standards. While it is true that I have never... joined with anyone before, I am capable of making that decision."

Shepard stared at the ground. "I just don't want you to regret being with me. I'm a soldier, Liara. My safety isn't guaranteed. I don't want to hurt you if... if I get killed."

"Shepard, you are still my friend. I would feel your loss no matter what."

The dark haired woman couldn't peel her eyes away from the floor. "I'm sorry. I just can't. I'm the commander. I have to..."

Liara surprised Shepard by suddenly stepping forward and placing her right hand on Shepard's cheek, lifting her chin so that she was looking into those blue eyes. "I do not know much about this sort of thing," she said quietly. "But I think we have something - a strong connection - and I do not want to give up on it yet. I understand your fears and your burdens. But maybe, after this is done and we are not fighting anymore... maybe then..."

Resting her own hand over Liara's, feeling the smoothness of her skin and her fingertips against her face, Shepard whispered, "Maybe then."

A promise. Less than Liara had wanted. More than Shepard had dared to hope for. And the best either of them could do.


	7. Stone

**Notice something similar about this chapter? Hm? Perhaps some repeated phrases and some rhyming action? It's called parallelism, and I like it :). God, I'm such a literature nerd.**

**A special thank you to Kachie Takahashi for reviewing and giving insightful comments into what he/she perceives about the story. I like to know how people react to a story and whether it's what I expected or not.**

**I'm increasing the rating to a T because of the language and content of this chapter. I have the Normandy lockdown scene written, but it's short and I'm considering cutting it because I'm not sure if it's necessary. If anyone has an opinion on whether they'd like to have that scene, please let me know.**

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**Stone**

Gone. He was her lieutenant, her squad mate, her friend, and then he was just... gone. The flame of life obliterated on some remote world that would likely be erased from public memory and buried under red tape. And it'd been her call. She'd left him to die there alone, without the decency to even look him in the eye when she made the decision. The guilt tore her insides apart.

She'd managed to hold it together in front of the crew and the council when she gave her report. It'd been easy then, when everyone was counting on her, when they expected her to be strong. She could always be strong when others were watching. She'd even managed to comfort Ashley a little, who was no doubt suffering from survivor's guilt; something Shepard was no stranger to after Mindoir. But now she was alone in her room and the guilt was crashing over her in waves. She wanted to drown in something other than remorse.

Going to her closet, Shepard pushed aside the hanging clothes to reveal a small box in the corner. She grabbed it and tore the lid open, pulling out a bottle of vodka; she'd been saving it for a celebration - perhaps when they stopped Saren at last. Now, she unscrewed the top and took a gulp, shuddering at the burning in her throat and the shock in her brain.

She tried to cross the room to her bed, but stumbled from blurry vision that was not from the drink. There was so much water in her eyes. Why couldn't she see? She tried to sit at the edge of her bed, but missed and fell in a heap beside it. Her breathing was already a rattled mess and she felt too apathetic to try again, so she sat with her back pressed against the edge of the bed and her knees drawn up to her chest. Her wrists rested limply on her knees, the bottle of vodka in her right hand, and occasionally she brought it to her lips. Water poured down her face.

~.~.~.~.~

Liara was starting to get worried. Shepard had disappeared after the debriefing, confining herself to her room without talking to anyone. Most of the ground team had assembled in the mess hall, all except Ashley who was reassembling the same rifle down at her workbench over and over again. Her aura told the others to stay away and let her be. But at least they knew what she was doing and could watch her for signs of trouble. No one knew what Shepard was doing or thinking. Yet, surely, she was suffering; it had been her call after all. Her decision to sacrifice Kaidan.

"I don't like this," Tali said to the gathered group. "Shepard didn't say a word about Kaidan... I miss him and I didn't know him nearly as well as she did. Quarians don't isolate themselves like this. You should talk about these things."

Wrex, who was the only one not seated at the table and leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, let out a snort. "That's because quarians don't have enough space to spit without hitting each other. Or the insides of their helmets for that matter."

She glared at him, or at least it seemed like she did behind that mask.

"Maybe we should try to talk to her. See if she is alright," Liara suggested.

Tali nodded in agreement, but both Wrex and Garrus shook their heads. The turian said, "On a turian ship you don't mess with the commanding officer when they've made it clear they don't want to be bothered. If we don't see her in a day, then maybe we should get worried, but I vote we wait it out."

Wrex added, "She looked fine at the debriefing. If your leader is strong, you don't go around trying to make them weak."

Liara frowned. "Just because Shepard looked fine earlier does not mean that she does not feel anything. She is not made out of stone."

Those red eyes stared back at her as if she were completely missing the point. "But she wants to be," is all he said.

For some reason those words stayed with Liara even after the others left to return to their respective posts. Only she remained at the table, repeating the krogan's words in her head. _Shepard wants to be made out of stone_. The idea filled her with sadness. Shepard's professionalism and her worry about never compromising her command were both ways that she tried to turn herself into stone. But Liara knew that there was another side to Shepard, and she didn't want that part of her to be lost behind an impenetrable wall.

Taking a deep breath and making her decision, Liara pushed away from the table and headed to Shepard's door. She expected it to be locked, but was surprised when it opened immediately. She stepped inside, letting the door shut behind her, and found that the room was almost completely dark. Liara used a faint glow from her biotics to illuminate the area so that she could see. Huddled at the foot of the bed, Shepard's head was downcast and she held a pale bottle firmly in her right hand. Liara approached slowly, not sure if Shepard was even conscious.

The commander surprised her by saying, "It's all bullshit, you know. All of it." Her tone was incredibly bitter, but there was no slurring in her words which seemed a good sign.

Trying to keep her voice gentle, Liara asked, "What do you mean, Shepard?"

"Everything I said," she spat. "It's all wrong! You can't completely separate your feelings from your command. They find a way in. God damn it, they find a way in!" Shepard finally raised her head and the expression on her face was a contortion of misery. With a grimace, she raised the bottle to her lips and took a drink, letting some drip down her chin. After a violent shiver she said, "I don't even know why I left him, Liara."

The asari blinked in surprise. "What do you mean, Shepard? You told Ashley that you wanted to make sure the salarian forces were able to escape. Save as many lives as possible."

"Oh, I gave plenty of reasons in my report. Read it if you want," she said, gesturing wildly with the bottle towards her desk. Her lips were curled into a snarl. "But it's all bullshit. I doubt any of it is true. I can't even remember what I was thinking when I made the decision. I just made it. Damn it, Liara! Just like that! I made it based on some fucking emotions! When it came down to it, Kaidan died because I didn't like him the best! What kind of sick, fucked up logic is that?"

Liara took a step forward slowly. "Shepard, there was no right call in that situation. You did what you could. You could only save one of them. Kaidan would have wanted you to save Ashley."

Shepard shook her head fiercely, a few tendrils of hair falling from her bun to hang down around her face. "That's not the point, Liara! Don't you understand? I've already ranked everyone on this ship by level of importance to me. I thought I could be friends with my crew and still lead, but - but I can't! My feelings are getting in the way!" Her empty hand came to rest over her face and she closed her eyes as if she couldn't bear it any longer.

Liara took another step. "That is not true, Shepard. You do everything you can to make sure your command is not compromised. You put your crew before your own personal feelings." _You even put your responsibility to them before me_, she thought.

But Shepard shot back, "Didn't you hear me, Liara? It's all shit! Everything I said! I realized something: I can't separate my emotions from my command. I have more in common with Ashley: so she lives and Kaidan dies." Again she took a drink from the bottle. As she ranted on her words became less clear. "Who's fucking next? I like Wrex, so then Garrus has to die? Or maybe Chakwas gets the axe because I can't bear to lose Tali? It - it doesn't matter if I like everyone, it's just a question of who I like the most." She stared intently at Liara. "And you," she said, while trying to raise herself up on the bed. "I like you the best, so what happens then? Everyone else better pray I don't have to choose between them and you?" She stumbled while trying to rise, but eventually managed to sit on the edge of the bed, her violet eyes staring intensely at Liara. "And I know it doesn't matter who is on the chopping block; if it comes down to you and Joker, I'll fuck us all over because I'll sacrifice our pilot." She managed to push herself to her feet and pointed accusingly at the asari. "Because in my heart everyone is expendable next to you. And guess what, Liara: my command is c-compromised! I can't even do my damn job now! How is any of my crew safe when their commander will make a - a split second decision based on emotion, rather than r-reason? How are they supposed to trust me when I can't put aside my feelings for them? I failed them, Liara! I failed Kaidan! I failed everyone!" Shepard wobbled on her feet and fell back again to sit on the bed. She once more buried her face in her hand and tears streamed down her face.

Liara had gradually inched closer until she stood near enough to reach the commander. She laid a hand on top of the woman's black hair. "You have it all wrong," she said quietly. "Your emotion and your kindness are what makes us trust you. Shepard, everyone on this ship follows you because they believe in you. We believe that when we are in trouble, you will save us. That you sacrifice first so that others do not have to." Her hand trailed down Shepard's face to rest on her cheek and she lifted the woman's chin so that those violet eyes stared up at her. "There was no right decision on Virmire. You would not feel any better if Ashley had died. And no one thinks less of you for having to make that decision. You are angry, and you are looking for someone to blame."

Shepard looked unconvinced, and Liara sat down next to her. She wrapped her arms around the commander, drawing her into an embrace so that Shepard's head rested above her heart. It felt much like the embrace they had shared when Benezia had died, except their roles were reversed. "Let me tell you something that someone wise told me," Liara said soothingly. "She told me that you are going to feel angry for what you have lost, and you are going to look for someone to blame. But you must not blame the wrong person. Because that anger and rage are powerful, and if you are not careful they can control you. You will end up hurting the wrong people because you cannot tell the difference between innocence and guilt. And you must not do this." She felt Shepard wrap her arms around her waist. The human held onto her as if she were the only thing keeping her from being completely swept away. "You are looking for someone to blame, Shepard, and you have picked the wrong person: yourself. If you want to know who I think is to blame, I think it is Saren. He started this fight. He sided with the Reapers. He was the one who caused Kaidan to die. If you want to get revenge, then you should not attack the one person who can take Saren down: you."

Liara could feel Shepard's body shake with each sob and she tightened her embrace. They sat silently for a while until finally Shepard lifted the bottle of vodka towards Liara and said, "T-take this from me." She complied, taking the bottle and placing it down on the floor at the foot of the bed. Then Shepard muttered, "I won't... pity myself anymore. I'll avenge Kaidan."

Liara just nodded and rested her cheek on top of Shepard's head, reluctant to break the contact. Closing her eyes, she wondered what this meant for them - if Shepard would reconsider her stance on a relationship that might compromise her command. She had no idea what the repercussions of Shepard's epiphany might be, or even if her presence here was crossing some sort of line. Liara had told herself that she could keep her promise and wait until this was all over, but Kaidan's death was a reminder of what they faced and how there might not be a future for one of them or both. The thought of it ending without having fully worked out her feelings for Shepard was a distressing prospect.

She thought about telling Shepard this, but when she opened her eyes again she realized that Shepard felt limp in her arms. From her deep breathing and immovable state, Liara concluded that the commander had passed out. Trying to be as gentle as possible, the asari lowered Shepard's head to the bed and made sure that she was in no danger of falling off in her sleep. She didn't know if it would be crossing a boundary to take care of Shepard any further, so she compromised by taking off the commander's boots and placing a pillow beneath her head. She also took the vodka bottle and found the cap, placing it on the table at the far end of the room.

Surveying the room, Liara wished there was something else she could do for Shepard. Yet, when she looked at the commander's sleeping form she realized that at least Shepard was safe now. They would not be safe in the days to come, but for now they could afford the luxury of time to grieve and time to recover. Tomorrow it would end, and this woman lying before Liara would be Commander Shepard: protector of the galaxy. Tonight she could be human, but tomorrow she would be as hard as stone.


	8. Hesitation

**This is a short chapter. Only about 850 words; it's the Normandy lockdown scene from Mass Effect one. I used some of the original dialogue, but changed it as necessary. Because it's so short I might not normally include it, but I figured I'd upload it while I finish up the final chapter. I'm having some difficulty with the finale which I will explain when I finally upload it.**

**Real quick: shoutouts to Kachie Takahashi - I always appreciate the feedback you give on your reactions since it gives me an idea of how readers view the story - BongoPhone - your comments were also insightful and appreciated - FasterGhost - thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy :). A more in depth response to themarshal: I am glad that you can relate to this Shepard, and I will take your critique into consideration concerning breaks in the story. My main concern is that the shifts in POV happen as needed in the story (therefore spacing issues), but I will see what I can do for future chapters/stories. Let me know if this chapter makes the POV shift easier. Also, my fast update rate is mainly the result of having a lot of buffer work done. I edit every chapter **_**at least**_** three times before it's finished, so I have to leave a lot of time for that. Nearly half this story was written before I started uploading. I am not an especially fast writer hahaha. As always, hope you all enjoy and I appreciate any comments, suggestions, etc.**

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**Hesitation**

Shepard's fist slammed into the locker, sending a jolt of pain up her arm and through her spine. How could they do this to her? After all she'd done for the council and they still didn't trust her. They insulted her, grounded the Normandy, and doomed the entire galaxy all in one press of a button. And Udina, that bastard! Using her for his own ends and then refusing to stand by her when it really mattered. She would find a way to make him pay; he could count on that.

Sighing, the dark haired woman leaned her back against the locker and slid down into a sitting position with her knees drawn up to her chest. At the same time, she noticed Liara crossing the room towards her. The mess hall was empty except for them. They has never said anything to one another about the night after Virmire. There was really nothing to say. The asari stood by the locker and looked down at the commander.

"I am sorry, Shepard. I cannot believe that they have done this to you."

Shepard frowned and said, "The council are the ones who should be sorry. They've doomed everyone and they don't even care."

"Perhaps you can convince them to remove the lockdown," Liara suggested.

The commander's lips curled in disgust. "I've tried. They won't listen to a damn thing I have to say. It's useless to waste my breath with them."

Liara narrowed her eyes and responded, "So that is it? You are just going to give up?"

Blinking in surprise at the doctor's tone of voice, Shepard said, "Wow, Liara, I wasn't expecting you to go hard-ass on me."

Liara shrugged. "It works when you do it to Ashley."

That managed to get a smile from the commander. "So you're gunning for my job?"

Playing along, Liara answered, "If you do not do something about this lockdown, then I might have to take over for you."

Shepard let out a puff of air indignantly and said, "Maybe I'll turn control of the mission over to Wrex and see how you all like having a krogan battlemaster lead you." Then shaking her head she added, "Anyway, I'll think of something. Just give me a little time."

"I believe in you, Commander," Liara replied. She offered her hand to help Shepard up, which the human took gratefully. But when she rose to her feet she lost her balance and stumbled towards Liara. The asari caught her, placing her hands on Shepard's arms to stabilize her. Yet, their faces were close and Shepard found herself staring into Liara's blue eyes.

It occurred to Shepard that if she leaned in just a few inches, their lips would touch, and she could easily wrap her arms around Liara from this position. And why shouldn't she? She couldn't separate her feelings for Liara from her command anyway. Why not give into temptation? Why not have the one thing she wanted before she threw herself into the fire?

~.~.~.~.~

Liara was having a similar struggle, wondering if it would be too bold to lean in and press her lips against Shepard's. She could feel something dramatic building up in their future - a period of intense danger and risk - and it felt like they were running out of time. Would she regret not following her feelings in this moment? Would she regret hesitating when she should have acted?

She was surprised when Shepard actually began leaning in towards her, slow and a little unsure, but still making a move. Liara's body seemed to move of its own accord and she found herself mirroring the commander's movement until she could feel the woman's breath on her face. Heart pounding wildly and mind too stunned to do anything, Liara found herself only a thumb width away from Shepard.

~.~.~.~.~

At the same moment that the commander made the decision to close the gap and finally just kiss Liara, Joker's voice filled the room, asking for her attention. The dark haired woman jumped back quickly, half expecting to see the pilot standing there watching them. Liara looked down at the floor, blushing, and stepped back.

Trying to keep the agitation out of her voice, Shepard said, "What is it, Joker?"

"Captain Anderson asked me to give you a message. He wants you to meet him at Flux."

Glancing at Liara and wondering what she was thinking, wondering what the asari thought about what had almost just happened, Shepard answered, "Tell him I'll be there soon."

~.~.~.~.~

Liara found herself both disappointed and fearful. That moment seemed to be as close as the commander would ever come to instigating the first move. She knew from past experience that Shepard was slow and cautious when it came to making big decisions. The likelihood of her now retreating and refusing to give into her feelings again was incredibly high. Liara didn't think she would get another chance like that without being persistent and forceful.

"You should go talk to the captain," Liara said quietly. A lump formed in her throat and she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Shepard flashed her an apologetic look, and then moved off to grab her gear and rendezvous with Anderson. Liara watched her go. As Shepard disappeared around the corner, it occurred to Liara that she should not have ever hesitated.


	9. Promises

**The final chapter; about time, right? Sorry this took so long. On top of finals and other things to get done, I also had some trouble writing this chapter since I'm not one hundred percent comfortable writing anything close to smut. I certainly don't think anything in this chapter comes close to smut, but I prefer to write about the intellectual side of love rather than the physical. Guess it was good to get out of my comfort zone though. Bit iffy about how it turned out, so feel free to let me know if I failed miserably. In the meantime, I've written three chapters (there will be more than that though) of a sequel (of sorts) that will take place during ME2. So, you know, be on the lookout if you feel inclined to read more about these two characters. Also, more Tali and Garrus (yay!), but less Wrex (boo!).**

**As always, thanks for those who review (any criticism is welcome!). Enjoy the final chapter. :)**

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**Promises**

Insubordinate, reckless, traitorous - just a few of the labels that the council was probably heaving upon her name as the Normandy raced towards Ilos. But what did it really matter? If Shepard managed to succeed, then they would have to see that she was in the right all along, and if she failed... well, she'd be dead; so what would it matter then? Sitting at her desk, Shepard rested her chin in her hand and stared blankly at the terminal in front of her. The information displayed on the screen was her latest mission report, perhaps her last, which detailed why she had stolen the Normandy and escaped the Citadel. Yet, she'd let the words trail off a long time ago when she realized that the report was a waste of time. If the old saying was true, that one's life flashed before one's eyes just before he or she died, Shepard found it sad to think that the last thing she might remember was writing a report. One that, if they failed, would never be read anyway.

Instead, she thought about what her last memories might be, though few of the options appealed to her. She might make the rounds and converse with her crew; a fairly sensible thing to do. But she realized that they probably didn't want her interrupting what could also be their last moments in order to talk about mundane things. She thought about sleeping the last few hours and cutting out the waiting entirely; but she was afraid of the nightmares that plagued her when she slept and she didn't think she could bring herself to face them now.

Finally, her mind turned to the one thing, the one person, she wanted in her memories if it all came to an end. Liara. She'd come close to just throwing the regulations out the window, saying to hell with it all and trying to find a little bit of happiness. But of course, she'd choked - crippled by indecision and doubt. Liara was young, inexperienced. Shepard could hardly go to her now and tell her that she wanted to be with her. Shepard wanted it to be Liara's choice. It needed to be her choice. Though, at this point, she didn't even care if she ever got to kiss Liara. She just wanted to spend time with her, just a little bit more time, in case this was the last chance they would ever get.

As she sat deep in thought, she suddenly heard the door to her room open and turned to see Liara walking towards her. Jumping to her feet, Shepard tried to think of something to say; something charming or witty, but instead she said, "I was just thinking of you."

Liara stood before the commander, looking uncharacteristically confident. She stared back into Shepard's violet eyes without blinking. "And I you," she answered softly.

Inside, Shepard's mind struggled with what to do. A baser, more primal part of her wanted to grab Liara and kiss her passionately, force the situation in the direction that she wanted it to go. She felt sure that Liara would let her. Yet, a more cautious side of her wanted to leave an out, just in case. There was a fear of picking a path and not being able to alter that choice. If she - if they - chose this, then Shepard would have to throw herself into it completely. No alternatives.

"I-" she stammered, and she could already feel her mind back-pedaling.

But Liara cut her off, pressing a finger to Shepard's lips. "No, Shepard. I have realized that if I let you do the talking and wait for you to make a decision, I will be waiting for a rather long time. And I have decided that I do not want to wait. These could be our last moments together and I want them to be special." Liara's right hand reached out and grabbed Shepard's hand, their fingers interlacing. "You are my friend, Shepard. The best friend I have ever had. I believe that we will succeed in our mission... but if I lose you, then I want to know that I never shied away from being close to you. I want to know that I showed you the same affection and kindness that you have shown me. I want to know you completely."

Shepard felt a wild beating in her chest and her mind was unable to form a complete thought. Her instincts took over and she rested her free hand on Liara's cheek, the pad of her thumb stroking the soft blue skin. Her brain made one last protest: "I want this, Liara. I do. But are you sure about this? About us?"

The conviction in the asari's voice filled the room. "I have never been more sure about anything in my entire life, Shepard."

The commander decided that that was all she needed to hear. She was tired of playing it safe, of denying her emotions. The second Liara had finished her sentence, Shepard brought her other hand up to cup Liara's face and kissed her forcefully. At first, she dominated the kiss, her thumbs pressed lightly against the asari's cheeks and her fingertips at the back of her neck. She controlled every aspect of the situation, an insatiable passion fueling that hungry kiss.

Then Liara's hand was at the back of her neck, the other one slipping around her waist, and the young doctor was leaning into the kiss, competing with Shepard for control. Blue fingers wrapped themselves in black hair until Shepard's normally orderly hairstyle was a mess of tendrils sticking out in every direction. Liara eventually managed to undo the knot and Shepard's hair cascaded down to her shoulders, framing her face in long black strands. Pulling back from the kiss, Liara observed this seemingly different woman standing before her. It was amazing how divergent the commander looked with her hair down, so much softer than usual. When she pulled away, Shepard gave her a look of worry, not sure what Liara would think and fearing that Liara would disapprove of her hair in such a state. Yet, Liara smiled and threw herself back into the kiss, twisting her fingers in the black locks and pressing her body close to the commander.

Letting her hands glide down to the asari's waist, Shepard steered her towards the bed. She was surprised when Liara was the one to push her back onto the sheets so that she lay sprawled, her hair falling down in front of her eyes. Mouth parted in wonder, Shepard watched as Liara completely dominated the situation, crawling over the commander until her face rested just above Shepard's, and she could feel Liara's body pressing down on hers. Grinning, the commander thought that she had never expected Liara to be the one bullying her around, but she was not dissatisfied either. She was more than content to let Liara plant kisses along her neck while she tried to figure out how to unzip the doctor's lab outfit. Her fingers fumbled unsuccessfully and in the meantime Liara was much more successful at lifting the commander's shirt halfway up her torso.

As Liara ducked her head to press her lips once more against Shepard's, the commander realized that for the first time in a long time she was truly happy. Maybe it was true that all things would eventually pass, and nothing could last forever. Maybe it was unwise to wish for something permanent when her own existence was so precarious. But Shepard realized that she no longer cared. She planned to drink in the good moments before they passed.

~.~.~.~.~

Later, Shepard rested with her head on Liara's chest, one arm draped over her lover's midsection and their legs tangled in the sheets. She'd managed to sleep a little, and awoke to find that the nightmares had not haunted her dreams. Breathing in Liara's scent, she stretched slightly and grinned blissfully. Her movement caused Liara to stir and she wrapped her arms around the commander, one hand playing with her long, dark hair. Sighing with contentment, Shepard tried to remember why she had feared getting close to Liara. It seemed ridiculous now; the world didn't end because she found a little happiness. The crew remained completely unaffected by her personal life. It seemed perfect.

Yet, that thought was quickly followed by the dread of what loomed on the horizon. Saren, Sovereign, the Reapers: an entire galaxy at stake. All things passed; the peace could not last. What was perfect in this moment would be tested as soon as they reached Ilos. The thought made Shepard suddenly anxious. What if she gave her squad the command to leave her, for whatever reason, and Liara refused to abandon her? What if victory meant sacrificing herself? Or Liara? Could either of them put their feelings aside for the mission?

Liara must have felt Shepard's body tense or sensed the commander's sudden anxiety because she asked, "Are you alright?"

Propping herself onto her elbows so that she could look into Liara's blue eyes, Shepard said, "I'm fine." Then, thinking better of it, she amended, "No, I'm better than fine - I'm happier than I've been in a long time and it's because of you... but... I need you to promise me something."

Brows furrowing, Liara asked, "What is it?"

"This can't change anything between us." Shepard wanted to kick herself for her poor choice of words. "I mean," she added hastily, "of course this changes things between us, but I need to know that when we are out there - Ilos or wherever - that when I give an order, you'll follow it no matter what."

Liara frowned and Shepard felt the hand draped across her back suddenly press a little firmer as if Liara was afraid that the commander would run away if she didn't keep a hold of her. Shepard quickly tried to explain, "This mission is going to be difficult as it is, Liara. Part of me wants to keep you here on the ship and out of danger to give myself some peace of mind." Liara gave her a disapproving look and seemed about to protest, yet Shepard added, "But I won't do that. When we stole the Normandy from the citadel I already knew that I would need your biotics and prothean knowledge on Ilos. And I won't alter my strategic plan because I'm afraid of losing you. I know you wouldn't want me to run off into danger without you anyway." Liara nodded her agreement. "But, Liara, if I am going to strive not to treat you any differently, I need you to do the same. I need to know that my commands in the field will be followed no matter what. I can't have any doubt in my mind going into this. Please, promise me that."

Liara stared silently at Shepard for a while, blue eyes seeming to search for some kind of answer. Finally she said, "Ok, Shepard. I think about losing you and... and it terrifies me. And the thought that you could give me an order that requires me to watch you die is..." She sighed and shook her head. "But I know how important this is to you. I know that you are the commander and so many lives are resting on your shoulders. So, I will promise to follow your orders, whatever they may be."

Letting out the pent up breath that she didn't even realize she was holding, Shepard smiled and leaned forward to kiss Liara softly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Liara grinned back mischievously and said, "But in exchange, right now I want you to follow my orders, Commander."

Catching on to her lover's seductive tone Shepard played along, asking, "Oh? And what are your orders, Ma'am?"

"You can start with kissing me, soldier."


End file.
